superheroes...


Mums are superheroes.
They have powers and skills.
They dry tears with magic tissues.
They make boo-boos better with a kiss.
They have answers for life's great questions
and a cuddle that solves all problems.


In my house I am a mummy superhero
up on a pedestal.
Every time that the beautiful boy looks at me,
he puts me up there
because he trusts me so explicitly and his expectations are so high.
My husband puts me up there too,
because he always expects me to have the solutions,
like some sort of parenting instruction book.
And I put myself up there too I guess,
because I want to be the best mummy I can be,
because with everyone has such high expectations
and my family deserve no less.

But it's sometimes a tough pedestal to be put upon.
It makes the fall really far
when you've been placed up so high.
When I fail it's harder
because everyone, including me
expects so much more, so much better.

Last week was tough.
I appreciate it probably wouldn't be tough to many,
but for us and our reality of what life is normally like,
it was long and hard.


Monday I had no hubby and a very clingy toddler.

Tuesday I had a fractious toddler who cried at anything and everything.
Tuesday night he wouldn't go to bed and yelled whenever I tried to put him in his cot.
He finally went to bed about two and half hours later than normal.

Wednesday I had a moany baby all day.
By bedtime he had developed a temperature.
He was up at 10, at 2, and at 6 in the night like a newborn.

Thursday I had a baby with a temperature all day.
He was sad and clingy and in desperate need of cuddles.
He was also tired and so in his bed by 6.30.
Only to be up again at 10 with a temperature that scared the hell out of me.
He finally went to sleep at midnight.

Friday I was up early with a still-hot toddler but one who seemed a bit brighter for a longer sleep.
But by lunch time he was back to crying and cuddling and desperately needing his mummy.
He didn't even last an hour in bed at bedtime before waking up screaming.
He was quite literally inconsolable.

And so was I.
Because I was also tired and drained.
I felt like moaning and crying and screaming.
But mummies don't, do they?
They battle on,
they have all the answers.
Except sometimes the answers run out and they are left with everybody looking at them
waiting for the solution
and they have . . . . . . nothing.

I was all out of ideas.
And more than anything all out of energy.
The only thing I was full of was guilt,
because I was cross at my husband for expecting me to have all the answers and I didn't,
because I didn't want to listen to screaming and crying any longer and I was short and fractious with my little guy,
because I was failing and letting everybody down.

We finally got the beautiful boy into bed two hours later than normal
and I promptly sat and cried.
And cried and cried.
I cried because I was tired.
I cried because I was emotionally drained.
I cried because I felt like I had buckled under the pressure of my responsibilities.
I cried because I was terrified how I would ever cope with two children when I was failing so miserably with one.
I cried because the stress of seeing my little man so miserable had all got too much.
I cried because I needed to.
And it helped.

I know the tears were the result of a week of stress and broken sleep,
of a week of missing my husband while he worked the longest hours imaginable,
of feeling helpless in the face of a poorly baby,
of pregnancy hormones,
of the pressure of being a superhero who was failing.

I'm not a superhero.
I'm just a human being.
I'm just a wife.
I'm just a mummy.
And I'm just doing the very best that I can.
Just because I look like I am in control doesn't mean I am.
Just because I look like I have the answers doesn't mean that I do.
Just because I wear the cape doesn't mean I can fly.

18 comments

  1. You are not "just" a mummy...you are A MUMMY and a great one for giving all you can and that makes you super!

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    1. Awww, thank-you. Sometimes feels like whatever you give isn't enough, probably because I would do anything to make his little life as perfect as possible. X

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  2. aww we all feel like this sometimes so don't feel bad, you have lots of hormones going around & that's not easy to deal with when you're tired - especially if you're doing it on your own at times. I hope the little one is feeling better now & you can get some much needed sleep x

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    1. I do think that a combination of tiredness, doing it alone and hormones did make it all feel a lot worse. Just felt so helpless and useless, but so much better after some decent sleep. X

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  3. Love this post and I know what you mean! Sorry you had such a hard week; hope he is doing better and you got some rest :o) Love that picture; how precious!

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    1. So tough sometimes, it just feels like a big responsibility and the weight of that burden just gets a bit much sometimes. Fortunately we're all doing better this week. X

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  4. My heart goes out to you! I have two and it has been so much harder than I thought! I said yesterday "that's it I am going to lose it" but Mummy's are powerful creatures and we have the power to survive! He is so lucky to have a lovely Mummy like you xx

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    1. Awww, thank-you. I said at one point that it was the first time since he was born that I could really feel myself losing it, and I was getting cross with him even though I knew it wasn't his fault he felt rubbish. I guess we're all human at the end of the day. X

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  5. We all have these moments hunny and it is hard with two screaming at you (not to mention the dog barking too!) but the good times make it so worth it, like the first smiles I've just had! Xxx

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    1. The good times do make up for it. And fortunately bad times like this are so rare. X

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  6. Hope you are o.k. At times like these it's important to remember that you are a superhero!!! x

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    1. Awww, thank-you. Wasn't feeling much like one. X

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  7. Very true. I've been having a wobble this week and this really spoke to me. There is no such thing as "just" a mummy xx

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    1. Ahhhh, well I hope you're over the wobbles too. I think it's just a case of admitting we're human and that we don't have all the answers, much as we might like them. X

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  8. I am 100% there with you... and it sounds like we have had similar weeks! My hubby works out of town during the week, and the weekends are horrible for me because our son is all over him and sleeps more fitfully. He's been sick this week, to boot, so life hasn't been simple. It's hard to remember in the middle of a bad week that the good ones are right around the bend!

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    1. I think when you are home on your own with a sick child it feels like you are totally alone in the world and you do forget that there are good times too. It can't be good all the time thought guess or we wouldn't appreciate it. X

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  9. I think we all have moments like this, moments where we question ourselves as parents. But rest assured in his eyes you are most definitely a Mummy Superhero. xx

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    1. I think the worst bit was that he kept looking at me with these sad eyes like he was asking me to make it better. And I couldn't. Even superheroes have to take days off occasionally and I just happened to be feeling at my lowest when he needed that superhero mummy the most. X

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