acceptance and change

I am a pretty organised sort of person.
I like to know what I'm doing and when.
I like to have plans and to be prepared.
I'm not a fan of completely unknown things
because I like to have an idea of what to expect.
Yes, I'm a bit of a control freak.
I like surprises,
but they do make me a bit nervous.
Mostly, I just like to be ahead of the game,
to anticipate things before they happen.

But in my life lately,
I am completely ignoring this whole big part of my personality
and I'm walking around with my eyes closed.
I have done nothing to prepare for Splodge's arrival.

Now I know that there is less to prepare this time around.
We are barely out of the baby days with the beautiful boy
so we have most of the required 'kit' that babies need;
like cribs and bedding and a bouncy chair.
And perhaps that is part of the problem.
In my head I know I have this stuff
so I don't need to worry about it.

We have lots of lovely neutral white baby clothes
which the little man wore and which will be more than suitable for Splodge.
They need sorting through,
some may well be a bit bobbly and past it,
and they all need to come out of storage and be washed and put away.
As yet though, 
they have nowhere to be put away to.
There is a huge unit in the nursery which is half full of the little guys current wardrobe
and half full of junk.
The junk needs to go in order for there to be space for Splodge's clothes.
But we haven't been in a hurry to sort the junk
so there is nowhere to put the newborn clothes,
so there is no incentive to start sorting them.

It could be the paranoid pregnant hormones,
but I'm worrying that its part of a larger problem.
One of denial.
I am excited about having another baby,
but I don't think about and obsess about what life will be like with two
in the same way that I did when I was pregnant with Dollop.
It's sort of hard to imagine what it will really be like.
I kind of have the attitude that we'll get on with it and see what happens,
but that isn't me.
That isn't the organised person who likes to prepare and sort and know whats coming.

So it makes me wonder whether it's not so much denial
as just not really being ready for things to change.
Don't get me wrong, I don't have a perfect life,
but my life is perfect for me.
Having Splodge will make it even more perfect, I know.
It will fill my life with more joy, more excitement, more love.
But how can things be made better than perfect?
And how can be possibly deserve it?

It might just be that as I've just entered the third trimester,
 that crazy nesting urge is kicking in.
Except I'm not actually nesting.
I'm feeling all kinds of worry and anxiety about the fact that I need to nest
and no desire to actually set the wheels in motion to do it.
I know things need to happen and need to change.
But I'm not ready to do it yet.

Last time I had my hospital bags packed by 34 weeks.
I had all the things ready long before that,
but at 34 weeks exactly I packed a bag for Dollop and a bag for me
and they sat expectantly in the newly decorated nursery
which was ready and waiting;
stocked with clean, neatly folded clothes,
tiny nappies and mountains of baby wipes.
At 34 weeks!!!
I'm 29 weeks now,
so that would be in five weeks from now.
And as yet this time, I've done NOTHING!

A friend has had a baby this week.
Her second baby too.
Her first born is a few months older than mine.
I wonder whether that has kickstarted the crazy in my head,
because her baby is here
which means I'm next.

And this week I've been browsing the newborn sections in shops again,
in the search of some lovely little outfits for her new little person.
And it's been getting me excited about having my own new little person,
and perhaps making me feel a little guilty about the fact I've not done anything to prepare.

So I guess what I'm saying is
that I think it's time to accept that change is coming.
And much as everyone hates change
this particular change is going to be of the good variety,
of the great variety,
of the quite-frankly-awesome variety.
Just like the changes that happened when my beautiful boy was born.

It's time to start getting ready.
It's time to get ready for baby number two.
It's time to get ready to become a family of four.


  1. I was exactly the same second time around, I didn't have the time I did last time but I also just seemed to not be as panicked by the need to get everything sorted! You must be so excited, you're in the final stretch now :) xx

    1. I am excited, but it I'm excited at the idea of it and haven't really thought about the reality of things. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow come September. And I'm so glad it's not just me who is a bit less organised the second time around. But I have a feeling that now I've started to think about it, that I'll turn into a preparation monster! X

  2. I was exactly the same too! I think it's entirely normal. I remember thinking that I didn't have much to organise besides washing Beastie's hoards of baby clothes and getting the room redecorated. With Beastie I had everything planned, lists galore and I had my bag packed by 30 weeks! admittedly I kept looking in it all the time and making sure I had absolutely everything ready. I think I packed my at 36 weeks this time - just after I had been paid! We got a new crib, bits of clothing and a buggy but it didn't feel anything like the first time. Lovely as the preparation is first time, I suppose it's only natural to not repeat it, as you've been there, done that and been through it all as well as this time being kept busy with your little boy. in reality you'll have another addition soon and you are more ready than you think! :-) trust me xx

    1. It does make me feel a lot better that I don't appear to be alone in not being so organised the second time around. We hardly need to get anything really but I think I might have to go out and buy a few clothes bits, partly to make it more real, and partly so that poor Splodge doesn't have to completely live in hand-me-down outfits.
      I think the bad bit is that part of me knows that I do need to start sorting and getting on top of things before my energy gets sapped away and I can't be bothered. I've given the hubby orders that we WILL start sorting the nursery this weekend. x

  3. This is exactly how I feel, someone asked me how many weeks I was over the weekend and I had to check an app on my phone to see! With Frankie I knew to the day without even thinking about it! I wrote hundreds of list of things to buy for me and the baby, ideas for the nursery and stuff like that! Now I haven't even begun to think about it, and I doubt I'll have time to until atleast 30 weeks.

    But I completely echo what Mummy and the Beastie has said above... you are more ready than you think you are! Half of the getting ready the first time round is getting ready to become a Mummy and you're already awesome at that! xx

    1. Oh my goodness. I'm useless at knowing how far gone I am this time. Partly because it seems like it's going so fast. I asked the hubby how far gone he thought I was and he said four months, when I told him I was six months he looked like he might be sick. It's all just creeping up so fast this time.
      30 weeks must just be a good time for second timers to start planning. I'm 30 weeks at the end of this week and this weekend we are going to be sorting out in the nursery. I know that the nitty-gritty of being a mum to a newborn will be fine, I just feel like it would be an idea if I got some of the 'things' ready too. x

  4. Oh man...having that second baby is so different! You'll be ready for sure, it's just a different ready I think. The best part is that you know what it's like to have a newborn already so you don't have to learn everything all over again. And one way or another the baby will have clothes to wear! :)

    1. It is so different. It's not that I'm not excited, because I am, I'm just not in that constant state of excitement like I was the first time. And I guess I feel a bit guilty about that, but I suppose it's natural really because we've been there and done that and aren't entering the unknown this time around. X

  5. The time really seems to be flying. Don't worry too much about not being organised. You have all the 'big' stuff already so it's more a case of 'topping up' this time round. I finally got round to packing my hospital bag when I started my maternity leave at 38 weeks! I think we're more relaxed second/third/fourth etc. time around because we kind of know what's in store. My biggest tip would be to prepare your little man for the arrival of baby as much as possible because his little brother or sister will ultimately have a big impact on his life

    1. It's sort of hard to know how to prepare the little guy as I think he's too little to understand. Although we do see babies out and about and he is always interested, plus I make a point of giving my friends' little babies lots of cuddles and he doesn't seem jealous at all. I guess we'll see, but it's really important to me that we still lavish lots of attention on him when Splodge arrives. X

  6. I was exactly the same too. I think I packed my bag about three days before number two was born :-) It is more joy, more excitement, more love but it's not *better* than perfect - more a *different kind* of perfect. Enjoy xx

    P.S. When number two was born and I saw her I actually exclaimed "It's a baby!" as if I didn't know what was coming. The midwives laughed a little with comments that I'd done it before but really I'd never had *her* before ;-)

    1. Hehe. I think it's my hubby who really hasn't got his head around the actual fact that we're having another baby. He may well say something similar when Splodge is born.
      I like the idea that it's a different kind of perfect, can't wait to find out. X

  7. Just to join in, i too was the same and we left it til right near the end before I felt any sense of organisation! I am also a bit of a control freak so it was weird to me.

    1. It is so unlike me to be so unorganised. I know that the baby only really needs clothes, milk and lots of love, but last time we prepared so much. X

  8. It was the same for us with #2. My bags weren't packed until a week before I went into labor. I had washed his clothes and finally put them in the dresser a few days before he was born. I did start nesting at the end - but not on baby things. I cleaned out the fridge, cupboards and my own closet.

    I over prepared with my first... and it didn't make a difference once she was here. I know my first hospital bag was packed so early and I never touched 90% of what a packed at the hospital. You learn a lot, and know what is important. I have still yet to buy our little one something brand new... others have and he has more than enough clothes.

    1. It would seem that most people are was organised the second time around. And I think I was probably over-prepared last time too.
      I guess the baby is coming whether we have prepared or not, and like you say, we have more than enough clothes. And I'm sure people will buy more as gifts when Splodge arrives. X


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