a second birth story - part ten

The story of the beautiful girl's birth so far is on the birth stories page.

Having started out dealing with the labour quite well,
I had gradually started to lose the plot as the pains got more intense.
Booking as high risk meant that constant monitoring
was hampering my attempts at helping myself.
I agreed to an early exam
in hopes that things were speeding ahead,
and that I was closer to active labour
and an epidural.

I was almost too terrified to let her do the exam.
I didn't think I would be able to deal with still only being 2 or 3cm,
but fortunately she did the exam,
smiled at me
and told me the good news was that she could call the anaesthesiologist.
She made the call
and wheeled in all the necessary equipment
which Lynne had prepared on a trolley in the hall.

While we waited for the anaesthesiologist to come
Laura tried again to get me in a good position to attach the monitors
but in the end she gave up.
I had heard the news I was 4cm
and promptly started zoning everything out,
I was hunched over in the one position I was half comfortable in
and I was stubbornly refusing to move.

I was ignoring the world.
I was focusing on the pains flowing through my body
and more specifically on the growing urge I had to push.
The pains were stronger
and pressure was building.
This terrified me.
I had wanted to push at 4cm the last time
and it was because the beautiful boy was back-to-back.
Hours and hours of agony followed
and he ended up having to be helped into the world.
I was so scared that this was going to happen again
and all I could do to cope
was to rock backwards and forwards
breathing and whimpering through each contraction.

The anaesthesiologist arrived at about 3.30am
and he had to talk me through the procedure he was about to perform
as well as making me aware of possible side effects and dangers.
I can honestly say that I didn't listen to a word.
All I know is that he finished every sentence with “Okay?”
to which I nodded and said “Yes”.

Laura explained that I needed to move
so that my legs were hanging off the side of the bed
and get into the correct position for the epidural to be done.
As I began to move a contraction came
and with it the unmistakable urge to push.
Which I fought against and tried to ignore.
As I got into position it happened again
and I groaned with the effort of fighting the urge.

With a serious expression Laura looked me straight in the eye again
and said “Lucy, are you pushing?”
Like a naughty school girl caught in the act of doing something I shouldn't
I said no.
I started mumbling in a panicky way
about how I had wanted to push with my little boy
and he wasn't low enough
and that I wasn't going to push
and that it was just the pain was too much.

In honesty, something felt really different,
and at the back of my head I wondered if things really were happening fast.
Something had happened
for me to get so scared and out of control all of a sudden
but while also being so incredibly focused.
The transition phase didn't cross my mind.
At this point I had one thought and one thought only,
that I needed that epidural as soon as possible
and that I couldn't possibly wait any longer.
I was terrified of hours more pain like this
and also terrified that I wouldn't get the epidural for some reason
and the idea of giving birth without it
seemed even more terrifying than the pain.

You can read the next part here.


  1. Oh lovely I had the same with Grayson, I wanted to push but he was way up, it's horrible.

    But when that sensation to push comes there is not much you can do is there xxx

  2. What a wonderfully exciting story. I look forward to reading the rest! <3

  3. I am biting my nails, I have never bit my nails. I can remember the urge to push I find holding it is way more painful. Had to hold in buba in the car. pain like nothing else.


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