and there I was again.
This morning, January 23rd,
I find myself doing another pregnancy test
and seeing that crazy, amazing, life changing word;
Of course you won't be reading this post a week after the first post.
Chances are that as you read this
I'm already twelve weeks on my way to being a mummy of two.
But right now I'm only a few hours into this news,
so I wanted to write my feelings down now
while they are fresh and new.
For the last few months I've been looking at pregnant women with a pang of jealousy,
I've heard the news of people expecting and wished it was me.
If anything, I think that becoming a mummy has made me broodier than I ever was before
As my wonderful little guy has become more and more of a character,
I've found myself wanting to have another baby.
Not to have the baby phase again
because as lovely as that was I much prefer the stage we are at now,
but because I can't wait to see him with a little brother or sister.
I never planned for him to be an only child, so why wait, when having them closer together will mean that they will have so much more to share.
But despite my broodiness,
my continued breastfeeding had stopped my periods from coming back.
And until they were back getting pregnant again wasn't something I was willing to entertain.
I couldn't stand the idea of having absolutely no idea what was going on in my own body.
So we waited.
And then in mid December it returned.
My little monthly friend.
We knew it could take a while for my cycle to settle down again,
so we decided to adopt the same attitude as last time
that of not not-trying anymore.
Six weeks later
with no more little monthly visitor
and yesterday my husband just suggested I do another test.
And just like last time,
ever single ounce of me expected it to be negative.
But it wasn't.
There was that word again;
followed by 3+ weeks.
And I'm still stunned.
I keep waiting to wake up,
because how could we possibly be this lucky?
To fall so quickly again.
And to be blessed with another little human to love and care for.
And the first face I saw after seeing the test result
was the beautiful boy.
And in that second I was simultaneously excited for him
but also filled with guilt,
that it might somehow feel like he wasn't enough.
When that couldn't be further from the truth,
because he is everything to us.
I love that little boy so much that is actually physically hurts sometimes.
I guess that's an internal battle for all parents when you decide to add the second one,
life has revolved around our son since he came into the world
and now it seems strange to think that while he'll still be the centre of our world,
he'll also have to share that spot in the not too distant future.
I'm so excited about becoming a mummy again
and getting to meet and fall in love with another new person.
I'm looking forward to having a bump again
to feeling my belly move and my baby kick.
I'm hoping I can be brave in the face of going through another labour.
But mostly I'm looking forward to giving my beautiful boy and this unborn baby a gift,
Because they will forever have one another
to go out into the world with,
to share things with.
And I can't wait to watch that.