Friday, 9 March 2012

the dating scan

This is the final secret pregnancy post that I wrote privately
before letting you all know our exciting news.

I'm already shocked by how much quicker this pregnancy seems to be flying by.
I guess I have the advantage of having found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks later this time around,
but still,
it's hard to believe that I'm not far of finishing my first trimester
and it all seems to have happened in a heartbeat.


Today was my dating scan appointment
which I think is one of those appointments which really marks the exciting bit of pregnancy.
The bit when you can tell everyone your news
and start to get excited about bringing a life into the world.

Last time around I was terrified in the run up to my dating scan.
I couldn't wait to see my baby for the first time
but I was also waiting....
...for them to burst my bubble
and tell me I had imagined the whole thing.
"No, I'm afraid there is no baby Lucy."
It played in my head for weeks leading up to it.

This time around I've been more chilled out,
a bit more confident I guess.
My body has been giving me more "signs" this time around
and I guess there is a little bit of 'been there, done that' about it.

Until 4.30am this morning
when I woke up in a cold sweat
and all those same doubts from last time.
We've been so lucky,
surely we don't deserve to be this lucky?
I've only done one test, perhaps it was wrong?
What if something is wrong with the baby?
The doubts were later coming
but they came with a vengeance.

I went through the motions this morning
in a little cloud of my own worry.
I got the little guy up and packed his bag to go to Nanny's.
I showered, I dressed, I did my hair.
I looked at my belly in the mirror and wondered if I was imagining
that there was a little bump starting to show already.

As we arrived at the hospital
I was pleasantly distracted for a bit
by my desperate need for the toilet
and the stress of finding a parking space
and locating where we needed to go.

Once in the waiting room,
my husband tried to make small talk
until I not-too-politely told him to stop talking.
He laughed.
And I realised that is exactly what I said last time.
When I'm worried I like to be alone in my thoughts
and this was one of those occasions.

They called us through,
I laid on the bed,
the whole time still in a bubble.
I answered the sonographer's quick questions,
I followed the instructions to lift up my top, roll down my trouser and expose my tummy.
My husband said it looked like it had popped out overnight
but I didn't allow myself to listen.

And then the machine was on my tummy,
I held my breath. . .

"Yes, I can definitely see one little baby there with it's heart beating away."

I reckon I grinned like a loon for the rest of the appointment.


Last time, with little man
I had to stand up and dance around half way through
because he was so chilled out that he didn't want to move and show them all the things they need to check for.
This time around, my little Splodge
would not stay still.
Splodge wriggled the entire time.
So much so that the sonographer pleaded for them to stay still 
so that she could actually measure the crown to rump length
and give us an idea when to expect the little wrigglepot.

It was,
in a word,
magical.

And being back at the hospital where we had the little guy
was pretty special too.
We were back on the same ward,
and my husband showed me the corridor they had wheeled me down
when I'd arrived by ambulance.

And I think it's made our minds up about going back there this time around.
It was actually strangely exciting to be back in a place
where something so wonderful happened to us.
And where something wonderful will happen again in September.


19 comments:

  1. Ahh! such a lovely feeling after that 12 week scan. Although I have been more relaxed this pregnancy I was dreading that scan, thinking it was all too good to be true second time around. I remember almost holding my breath when the sonographer first started to scan, then I just gawped at the screen the entire time feeling all contented and when you see the heartbeat every just seems magical, as you say :-) xx

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    1. That's exactly how I felt; like it was all just too good to be true. It's so weird to think that in about six months time that little black and white picture will actually be a baby in my arms. SOOOO exciting. x

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    2. I know and it will fly by this time, I can't believe you are pregnant at the same time as me...just! and I'll have a 6 month old then! x

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  2. Congratulations! Lovely post, that feeling is just wonderful. September will be here before you know it. Lucy x

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    1. I am so excited but kind of scared that September will, in fact, be here before I know it. ;) x

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  3. Oh my gosh, have just seen your video and caught up on your news! How lovely - a huge congratulations to you. Can't wait to share your journey through your beautiful photos and words x

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    1. I'm actually really excited about sharing the pregnancy on here. I didn't record my pregnancy in any way, shape or form last time and I'm really sad about it. But this time it will be nice to keep a record of all my feelings and experiences. X

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  4. Congratulations on your second pregnancy!

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  5. Oh that is so exciting and a scan photo always makes me emotional. I am so broody but have to wait. The nerves are so normal, but your body giving you more signs is more that you know what to look for this time round! More congratulations for you. x

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    1. I definitely know the signs a bit better this time, but I also haven't found the first trimester quite so easy this time around. I have been completely exhausted this time and have no idea how I would have managed to keep it quiet if I was working this time round.
      Seeing our little Splodge wriggling around was just as exciting as last time, and I was kind of worried that it wouldn't be somehow. It's helped set my mind at rest that I will be just as smitten and crazy about this baby as I am about the beautiful boy. x

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  6. I don't think there is anything like that feeling when you are waiting for that 12 week scan- the nerves, anticipation, excitement, fear.....phew it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it! x

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    1. It is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I think it's a lot easier to actually enjoy the 20-week scan because you're not feeling quite so nervous and they spend a longer time looking at your little bubba. Let's home that comes round as quick as this scan did. X

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  7. Big congratulations (again!), so excited for you! Are you going to open the floodgates and let us all guess the sex?! I have an inkling...
    I bet everything has so much more meaning this time after being through it once - not saying its not amazing the first time around but I don't think I ever quite believed that the scan pictures meant I was going to have an actual baby!
    Really looking forward to reading over the next few months :) x

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    1. Thanks (again!) You're right, it does all have a it more meaning the second time round, but I currently feel just as excited and nervous about it as I did last time, just for different reasons.
      And you'll find a little poll in the right sidebar for people to make their gender guesses. We like surprises, so we'll be waiting until September to find out what Splodge is, but the guessing is still fun. X

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  8. I am so excited for you- even though I only know you through your blog, I definitely have a little tear! I am such a sucker for pregnancy and I remember exactly how I felt now in the lead up to my first scan too. Hope you enjoy every minute of your pregnancy!

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    1. Awwww, thank-you. It's funny how you end up feeling like you know people when you read their blogs. And I'm a total sucker for pregnancy and baby stories too. Such an exting time. X

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  9. aww congratulations, always nice to get past that first trimester. I have two september babies. Good month to have a baby *haha*

    *whisper* from your scan i think thats a pink one :)

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I absolutely love reading all your comments, so thanks for taking the time to leave them.

xx