out of the mouths of babes {june}

Nanny: "Did you have a lovely time at the seaside?"

beautiful boy: "Yes I did."

Nanny: "Did you go in the sea?"

beautiful boy: "Yes I did."

Nanny: "And did you get very wet?"

beautiful boy: "Yes Nanny, I did. I fell in."

Nanny: "Oh dear, was it very cold?"

beautiful boy: "Yes it was. But Mummy was my hero and saved me."

12

out of the mouths of babes {may}

Mummy: "Come on, eat up your dinner so you grow big and strong."

beautiful boy: "I will have big jeans like Daddy."

while watching Happy Feet (a film full of penguins)

beautiful girl: "Duck. Duck. Duck."

Mummy: "No sweetheart, not duck. Penguin."

beautiful girl: "Duck."

Mummy: "Can you say penguin?"

after a long pause

beautiful girl: "Duck duck."

beautiful boy: "I'm poorly Mummy."

Mummy: "Oh no. Do you need a big cuddle."

beautiful boy: "Yes. And I need some medicine to feel me better."

Mummy: "Shall we get some lunch?"

beautiful girl: "Chocat?"

"Oh Mummy, there are so many planets on the Earth. Shall we go to the moon first?"

"I want to go outside with my feet I do."

beautiful boy: "Are you happy Mummy?"

Mummy: "Yes I am."

beautiful boy: "Well can you be happy with your teeth?"

beautiful boy: "I don't feel very well."

Mummy: "Oh no, what's wrong?"

beautiful boy: "I'm not quite sure. But it's making me feel very sad."

Mummy: "Oh dear. Well would a cuddle make you feel better?"

beautiful boy: "No. It wouldn't. But a kids would work."

talking to some old ladies while we were in a queue in a shop

Old Lady 1: "Oh isn't he handsome?"

Mummy: "Yes, we certainly think so."

Old Lady 2: "What's your name?"

beautiful boy: "[beautiful boy]"

Old Lady 2: "Well thats a lovely name, isn't it?"

beautiful boy: "Yes it is. What's your name?"

Old Lady 2: "Well I'm Milly and this is Trish."

beautiful boy: "Hello Milly and Trish."

Old Lady 1: "Oh he just charming."

Mummy: "Haha, yes, he has his moments."

we moved forward in the queue a bit

beautiful boy: "See you soon Milly and Trish. Have a nice day."

Old Lady 2: "Thank-you [beautiful boy]. And you too."

beautiful boy: "Mummy? Are those girls going to come for lunch with us?"

… Cue much giggling from said "girls". He made their day!

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out of the mouths of babes {april}

Mummy: "What ARE you doing?"

beautiful boy: "I'm being a bit mental."

as we pulled into a motorway services:

"We've made it to the weewee station we have."

Princess Anna: "Can I say something crazy?"

Prince Hans: "I love crazy."

beautiful boy: "I love crazy too."

beautiful boy: "I am going to go to Hong Kong."

Mummy: "No you're not sweetheart. Nanny and Pops are going to Hong Kong."

beautiful boy: "No, I am. And I'm going to swim all the way."

after doing a wee...

Mummy: "Right, now shake."

beautiful boy: "Shake it off, shake it off,

shake it off, shake it off,

oh woah oh,

shake it off, shake it off,

shake it off, shake it off,

oh woah oh,

and it's hard to dance

with the devil on your back,

so shake it off,

oh woah oh."

(He's clearly a Florence and The Machine fan. He sings this every. single. time he goes for a wee.)

beautiful boy: "There. I ate my cracker. Can I have a Pringle now?"

Mummy: "No. I said you had to eat ALL of the cracker. You've only eaten one bite."

beautiful boy: "But I really want a Pringle."

Mummy: "Well then you need to eat all of your cracker."

beautiful boy: "No I don't need to. Because I don't want to."

Mummy: "Well then there will be no Pringle will there?"

beautiful boy: "URGH! You are getting on my nerves now Mummy."

Daddy: "Do you want to go to Nanny and Pops' or come to the pub with me?"

beautiful boy: "What's a pub?"

Mummy: "It somewhere where Daddy will drink beer and hang with his friends."

beautiful boy: "I want to hang with Daddy."

Daddy: "What would you like to watch on the Xbox?"

beautiful boy: "Nothing. We are sleeping. And boys can't sleep if they're watching Xbox."

Daddy: "Oh okay then. I'll watch what I want to then."

beautiful boy: "No Daddy. We need it off so we can sleep in quiet and peace."

"It's slippery, slimey soap Mummy, so I'm going to call it sloap."

8

out of the mouths of babes {march}

Mummy: "Would you look at your sister. She's swimming like a fish."

beautiful boy: "No she's too big to be a fish. She's like a whale."

Mummy: "Where is your towel?"

beautiful boy: "I left it in the bathroom."

Mummy: "Well I think maybe we should put it away."

beautiful boy: "No Mummy. Don't. How could I ever be happy without it?"

beautiful boy: "Mummy, I need a weewee."

Mummy: "We'll be home in a minute and then you can go."

beautiful boy: "No. It's okay Mummy. I want to wee behind a big tree."

Uncle Matt: "Have you ever seen a dinosaur?"

beautiful boy: "No. Not yet."

Uncle Matt: "No, me either."

beautiful boy: "We should go on a dinosaur adventure Uncle Matt."

while sitting at the table at Nanny and Pops' house while they were away:

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5. There are five of us. But 6 and 7 are on holiday."

"Twinkle twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky.

Now I know my ABC

Next time won't you...

... Oh no, I missed it!"

Nanny: "Did you do a bottom burp?"

beautiful boy: "No Nanny. Not yet."

(a little later on)

Nanny: "Are you sure you didn't do a bottom burp?"

beautiful boy: "No Nanny. Here's my bottom. It's in my jeans."

(pulls jeans and pants down to flash his bottom)

"It's the best bottom I've ever seen."

Mummy: "What do you think we should call your sister's new doll?"

beautiful boy: "Ummm, Lick is a good name."

Mummy: "Uhhh, I'm not too sure about that one."

beautiful boy: "Or Mr Bumblebee."

beautiful boy: "Mummy I really need a cuddle."

Mummy: "Are you okay?"

beautiful boy: "No. I've got sneezes in my nose."

Mummy: "Oh no."

beautiful boy: "I need you to rock me like a baby."

beautiful boy: "Darcy and Wentworth [our cats] are going to go to Sainsbury's."

Mummy: "Are they?"

beautiful boy: "Yes they are. They are going to buy us all some clothes."

beautiful boy: "Daddy, I've got a mouthlash."

Daddy: "A mouthlash? Don't you mean an eyelash?"

beautiful boy: "No because its in my mouth."

Mummy: "Are you going to finish your breakfast?"

beautiful boy: "No. I'm going to give it to the cats."

Mummy: "I'm pretty sure that cats don't really eat toast."

beautiful boy: "They do. I just need to chop it up really small."

when the sun went behind a cloud:

"The sun has gone to get some more petrol."

beautiful boy: "I'm wearing my funny ears."

Mummy: "It's bunny, not funny, sweetheart!"

beautiful boy: "No they are funnies. And they eat carrots."

Mummy: "No, we say bunny. They are BUNNIES."

beautiful boy: "No Mummy. It's a rabbit."

beautiful boy: "One...?"

beautiful girl: "Two."

beautiful boy: "Three...?"

beautiful girl: "Three."

beautiful boy: "Oh no. That's not right at all."

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out of the mouths of babes {february}

beautiful boy: "Are you going swimming Mummy?"

Mummy: "Yes I am."

beautiful boy: "Right then, I need a cuddle and kiss, right now."

Nanny: "Do you need the toilet?"

beautiful boy: "I'm sorry Nanny. I'm just too busy."

Mummy: "Come and get your dinner."

beautiful boy: "This isn't dinner, this is lunch."

Mummy: "No it's dinner time. You're having food that you normally have at lunch time. But it's still dinner."

beautiful boy: "No it is lunch. This is my lunch plate."

Mummy: "Did you have a good nap?"

beautiful boy: "Not yet."

Mummy: "Not yet?"

beautiful boy: "No. I'm still sleepy."

"Mummy is going to go out on her broomstick."

(Charming!!!)

"I love my cowboy bed, Cowboy Mummy."

While we were all sat in the car:

beautiful boy: "Daddy, what is that?"

Daddy: "That's Tesco."

beautiful boy: "Yes, it is."

beautiful boy: "Mummy?"

Mummy: "Yes?"

beautiful boy: "That is Tesco over there."

"I don't like risotto. I just want rice for dinner."

"Mmmm, pink juice tastes delicious in a grown up glass."

Mummy: "Please do not push your sister. It's not very kind and it could hurt her."

beautiful boy: "But Mummy, she really hurt my sock."

"I feel poorly Mummy. I need some medicine. (Brief pause while I administer said medicine.) No, I need more Mummy. I don't feel any better."

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out of the mouths of babes {january}

"Oh no, I broke my fish finger. I want to eat my fish finger safely."

Mummy: "Are you finished your lunch?"

beautiful boy: "No."

Mummy: "Then why have you taken your apron off?"

beautiful boy: "Because I'm being cheeky."

Mummy: "How old are you?"

beautiful boy: "Ummmmmm. On my next birthday I will be three."

Mummy: "But how old are you now?"

beautiful boy: "Big."

beautiful boy: "I've got curry and rice for dinner.

Daddy: "Yes you have. Me too."

beautiful boy: "Yes and Mummy three. And [my sister] four."

Mummy: "What would you like for your birthday?"

beautiful boy: "I would like a bike and a cake with candles to blow out."

Mummy: "What colour bike would you like?"

beautiful boy: "A red bike."

Mummy: "And what sort of cake would you like?"

beautiful boy: "A red cake. And red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. And with candles to blow out."

"That was a bread poo. Now I'm going to make an ice cream poo. It will be delicious."

beautiful boy: "I want to be a daddy."

Mummy: "Maybe one day, if you are very very lucky."

beautiful boy: "Next Christmas?"

beautiful boy: "Can I have a drink please? I'm thirsty."

Mummy: "Of course. Would you like a drink of water."

beautiful boy: "Yes. That'll do the trick."

Mummy: "Now, what would you like to do now? Would you like to go home or go shopping?"

beautiful boy: "I would like to go... SHOPPING!"

Mummy: "Okay, then you shall go shopping."

beautiful boy: "Would you like to come shopping with me, Mummy?"

"I love you Mummy, all the days of Christmas."

"Astronaut Nanny, today we are going to fly into space in Astronaut Mummy's car to see moons and stars and planet Earth."

"I like pants. Pants are nice. And I love t-shirts."

beautiful boy: "We will see Uncle Matt today?"

Mummy: "No, not today lovely."

beautiful boy: "Okay, maybe after next Christmas."

Mummy: "I think you're being a bit of a baby."

beautiful boy: "Yes I am. I'm your baby."

Mummy: "You are. My little baby boy."

beautiful boy: "Yes. And I think I need to sleep in a sleeping bag tonight."

Mummy: "What did you have for your lunch?"
beautiful boy: " I had a sausage roll. And a cupcake."
Mummy: "Do you remember what flavour your cupcake was?'
beautiful boy: "It was chocolate. It was cookies and crumpet flavour."
Mummy: "I think you mean cookies and cream."
beautiful boy: "No cookies and crumpet."

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out of the mouths of babes {december}

beautiful boy: "Oh no, where's my milk? I left it in the lounge."

Mummy: "No you didn't, it's right here."

beautiful boy: "Oh yes, so it is. Phew!"

"Go in the kitchen Daddy. You are being too naughty."

Mummy: "Do you remember what we're doing today?"

beautiful boy: "We're going to see Father Christmas. In a car park."

Mummy: "No lovely, not a car park. Just in a park."

beautiful boy: "No in a car park, with his sleigh."

"Put my milk in the fridge now... NOW! You are being a bit naughty Mummy."

beautiful boy: "Are you ready Mummy? You're going to be a horse and I'm going to be a donkey. Are you ready?"

Mummy: "What are you talking about? What do I have to do?"

beautiful boy: "You be a horse. And then we sing."

Mummy: "We sing?"

beautiful boy: "Yes. We sing songs in Hairspray. Ready? GO! Sing with me Mummy."

(I still have no idea what he was on about!)

"I can't swim like a whale. I can't swim like a whale. I can't swim like a whale. I. CAN'T. SWIM. LIKE. A. WHALE.... I'm going to swim like a goldy-fish. That's what I'll do."

Nanny: "Is that nice hot chocolate?"

beautiful boy: "No, it's warm chocolate Nanny."

Pops: "Did you have fun at Freeport today?"

beautiful boy: "Yes, it went free, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."

"It's very dark. The moon has gone to sleep behind a cloud."

"Roar Darcy roar! (Pause while he waited for Darcy to roar.) You're not very scary."

(while playing with his play kitchen)

Daddy: "What are you making?"

beautiful boy: "A noise."

Mummy: "What animals do you think you'll see at the farm?"

beautiful boy: "Chickens?"

Mummy: "Yes. What else?"

beautiful boy: "Not elephants and horses."

Mummy: "No. Definitely no elephants."

beautiful boy: "But maybe cows."

Mummy: "You just burped, what do you need to say?"

beautiful boy: "Oh no! Not again!"

Mummy: "I meant 'Pardon me' but never mind."

beautiful boy: "Okay then. Pardon me but never mind."

"I am NOT very happy with you Daddy!"

5

out of the mouths of babes {november}

"I need a wee wee. And fast!"

"Ahhhhhh, MUMMY! I need to hold your hand."

(holds hand)

"Phew, that was a close one."

beautiful boy: "I drunk the water in the swimming pool."

Mummy: "Oh no, that wasn't a very good idea, was it?"

beautiful boy: "No it wasn't."

Mummy: "Did it taste funny?"

beautiful boy: "No Mummy... It wasn't funny at all."

Nanny: "Did you have fun swimming with Mummy?"

beautiful boy: "It was divine."

at lunch time after he finished his food

beautiful boy: "I'd like something else now please."

Mummy: "Okay, what would you like?"

beautiful boy: "Ummmmmmmmm."

Mummy: "Would you like a breadstick?

beautiful boy: "No I've had enough breadstick."

Mummy: "How about a cracker?"

beautiful boy: "No I'm full up of cracker."

Mummy: "Okay, so are you sure you want something else? Are you full up?"

beautiful boy: "Ummmmm?"

Mummy: "Shall we leave the table?"

beautiful boy: "I'm not full up Mummy."

Mummy: "You're not?"

beautiful boy: "No. I'm not full up of grapes."

Mummy: "So would you like some more grapes then?"

beautiful boy: "Oooh, yes please Mummy."

Mummy: "Come here so I can take your t-shirt off."

beautiful boy: "No Mummy. It's not happening!"

Mummy: "What's not happening?"

beautiful boy: "My t-shirt. It stays on!"

"You are putting me back together again."

he says this whenever we get him dressed

"You are the bestest mummy."

(such a charmer!)

Mummy: "What colour is your hair?"

beautiful boy: "Blonde."

Mummy: "What colour is my hair?"

beautiful boy: "Blonde."

Mummy: "What colour is Daddy's hair?"

beautiful boy: "Brown. No. Dark brown."

Mummy: "Oooh, good one. It is dark brown. What colour is Nanny's hair?"

beautiful boy: "Ummmmm, it's yellow. Like mine. No, blonde."

Mummy: "What colour is Pops hair?"

beautiful boy: "GREY!!!! Just like Wentworth."

"Oh dear. That's so funny. I make myself laugh."

beautiful boy: "I'm going to cut your hair Mummy."

Mummy: "No you're not."

beautiful boy: "Later?"

Mummy: "No, not later."

beautiful boy: "Soon?"

Mummy: "No. Never."

beautiful boy: "Mummy? I'm going to brush your hair?"

Mummy: "Okay, yes. You can brush my hair."

beautiful boy: "With the scissors."

Daddy: "Right, Daddy's got to go to the toilet now."

beautiful boy: "You're going to squeeze a poo and then flush it."

(Daddy nearly falls over laughing.)

"You're my bestest girl in the world that I even seened."

(said to his mama - little cutie!)

"Bye bye swings. Bye bye slide. Bye bye roundabout. See you another day. We're going home for lunch."

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out of the mouths of babes {october}

"A, B, C, D, E and G,

H, I, J, K 

mumble mumble mumble

U, R, F

P, U, B,

double U, S, Y and bed."

(try singing this to the tune of the Alphabet song, it might make more sense.)

18

out of the mouths of babes {september}

Mummy: "You're so gorgeous Mr."

beautiful boy: "I'm not gorgeous. I'm funny."

Mummy: "Yes. Yes you are very funny."

beautiful boy: "I'm gorgeous AND funny. Yes?"

Mummy: "Yes, you definitely are."

"I want to go and see the ladies at the supermarket. The blue ladies with the red writing."

(He always says he's going to see the ladies when we go to the supermarket. The blue ladies are at Tescos, and when we go to Sainsburys it's the orange ladies.)

Daddy: "Bye bye everyone see you later."

beautiful boy: "Are you going in your car to see your friends?"

Mummy: "No sweetheart, Daddy is going to work."

beautiful boy: "To see his friends?"

Mummy: "Well, yes sort of. He's going to work."

beautiful boy: "In his car?"

Daddy: "Yes in my car. Bye."

beautiful boy: "Your car is round the corner, you know."

Daddy: "Yes. It is."

beautiful boy: "Daddy is going in his car to see his friends."

Mummy: "Yes, yes he is. Okay."

Mummy: "Come on then, lets wash those handies."

beautiful boy: "No Mummy, it's not handies. It's hands. Just HANDS."

beautiful boy: "What's that noise?"

Nanny: "It's the ropes on the boat banging against a pole. Okay?"

beautiful boy: "Okay Nanny. If you say so."

after watching his sister smear sandwich across her highchair:

"Oh dear Mummy, I think we need some baby wipes-is."

beautiful boy: "RAAAAAAAAAR!"

Mummy: "Oh my goodness. That so scary."

beautiful boy: "Oh no Mummy, do you need a cuddle?"

beautiful boy: "I'm going on an adventure."

Nanny: "Okay. Have fun."

beautiful boy: "Not really Nanny, I'm only going to the kitchen."

"I turned my weewee off. I'm such a clever boy."

as his sister threw her drink cup across the room:

"Woooaaaaah, it's a flying drink. Cooooool!"

Mummy: "We're going to look at some preschools today."

Daddy: "That will be fun, won't it?"

beautiful boy: "Yes Daddy, we're going to look at some Pringles. And eat them."

to absolutely anyone who engages in conversation with him:
"We went on a lovely holiday. We went swimming and on the slide."
(LITERALLY. EVERYONE he sees gets to hear all about his holiday.)

Daddy: "Would you like some breakfast?"

beautiful boy: "No thanks Daddy."

Daddy: "Are you sure?"

beautiful boy: "Yes. I would like chocolate toast."

Daddy: "Okay. So you want Nutella on toast?"

beautiful boy: "Yes Daddy. I'm sure Daddy."

as Nanny gave him some milk:

Pops: "There you go. Now what do you say?"

beautiful boy: "Please."

Nanny: "No. Thank-you."

beautiful boy: "You're welcome Nanny."

Mummy: "Are you being a monkey?"

beautiful boy: "No. I'm a little boy."

Mummy: "Yes you are. And what's your sister?"

beautiful boy: "She's a little girl."

Mummy: "What about Daddy?"

beautiful boy: "He's a big boy."

Mummy: "And what about me?"

beautiful boy: "You're a big girl."

Mummy: "That's right. And do you remember what Darcy and Wentworth are?"

beautiful boy: "Cats."

Mummy: "Yes, but what sort of cats are they?"

beautiful boy: "Fluffy cats."

beautiful boy: "Are you sad Mummy?"

Mummy: "Yes. Very sad. Can I have a cuddle?"

beautiful boy. "Yes. Are you happy now?"

Mummy: "Yes I am."

beautiful boy: "Are you sure?"

Mummy: "Yes."

beautiful boy: "But are you sure?"

"Another day...?"

in response to ever being told no to anything.

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out of the mouths of babes {august}

on hearing my tummy rumble:

"Mummy your belly button is ringing."

beautiful boy: "Is it bath time Mummy?"

Mummy: "No not yet sweetheart."

beautiful boy: "Okay then. It's lounge time."

"Oh dear, it's all gone-y gone gone gone gone."

(I could cry at this one as this was one of my late grandad's catch phrases,

he's picked it up from my mum and I goofing around and has started to adopt it as his own.)

about his sister

"She's got my shoes Mummy. I'm going to take them from her. She'll only eat them."

to G-Nan when she was getting confused about something:

"What ARE you talking about?"

"I can't read that book. It's just too cold."

"Look at me. I look SO cool in my shirt."

on seeing Mummy's outfit one morning:

"I like it Mummy. But you need jeans."

Mummy: "Big double cuddles. I've got my gorgeous boy and my gorgeous girl."

beautiful boy: "Yes Mummy we're gorgeous matching."

while standing in the garden holding some bread, at the top of his voice:

"Where are you birdies? It's lunchtime."

"I love Mummy. I love Daddy. I love the toilet."

when he did something naughty:

"You're not happy. Oh dear. Will you be happy soon?"

"I've got a bogey. It's a bit like jelly."

to his sister after Daddy had given her a biscuit:

"Now you say 'Thank-you Daddy'."

"Oooh, that was a close one."

basically every. single. time he stumbles or trips but isn't hurt.

"Mummy, my belly button is hungry."

while playing hide and seek with Daddy:

Daddy: "Ooooh, I wonder where he could be."

beautiful boy: "Daddy, I'm hiding under the white towel."

whenever his sister is about to touch something he doesn't want her to:

"Quick Mummy, she wants a cuddle."

25

out of the mouths of babes {july}

Daddy: "Oh don't be silly, stop being a big girl!"

beautiful boy: "I'm not a big girl Daddy. I'm a LITTLE BOY!!!"

to his little baby sister...
"You spin around just like this. Go round and round and round.
It's really funny. Get up. Come on. Try it."

Nanny: "Which breadstick would you like?"
beautiful boy: "A clean one."

in response to being asked if he was okay:

"I'm happy in my eyes. I'm happy in my face.

I'm happy in my shorts and in my shark shoes."

Nanny: "Bye. See you tomorrow."

beautiful boy: "Goodbye friend Nanny. See you soon."

"Yes I'm am." - instead of I am.
(he doesn't really mispronounce things very much, so this is so cute.)

beautiful boy: "I love you Mummy. I love you."

Mummy: "I love you more."

beautiful boy: "I love you most."

about his baby sister...

"Oh, she's just so beautiful. Bless her."

"I'm making a smelly ice-cream poo on the good boy toilet."

Daddy: "Are you okay? You feel very not and sweaty."

beautiful boy: "I'm not hot. I'm warm Daddy. WAAAAARM!"

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