Thursday, 14 November 2013

forgotten


I'm a sentimental old fool.
I'll put my hands up and admit to it right now.
I get very attached to anything that I feel has some sort of special story
or has been precious in any way shape or form.
I have kept all sorts of things associated with my babies,
I have memory boxes, special shelves and pretty bags
full to the brim with things that I treasure because it reminds me of my babies in some way.

But right now I am feeling so sentimental
that I have moved on to a whole new level of crazy;
crying about toys.
Or rather, crying about a special toy
who isn't seeing any love of late.

Sheldon the Seahorse has been my beautiful boy's bedtime buddy for the longest time.
We bought him when we transitioned the little man into his own room
and they've been bedfellows ever since.
Sheldon has been on holidays.
He had shared many a nap.
He's snuggled up with my little man
on nights when I would have loved to do the same.

That musical, glowing seahorse deserves more than a little credit
for seeing our gorgeous boy through some big milestones.
The cot to cot bed transition.
The move to the big boy bed.
Starting to share a room with his little sister.
Sheldon has always been there,
part of the little guy's bedtime routine.

For her first Christmas
he even got his baby sister one of her own as a present.
A little pink seahorse to keep her company at night.
He was so excited when she unwrapped her Sienna the Seahorse,
running to get Sheldon to introduce them.

As he's gotten older,
if he's ever woken in the night
he puts his seahorse on to soothe himself back to sleep.
On the nights when his sister woke up 
instead of being upset at her cries,
he squeezed his little friend's tummy
and snuggled up to his glow.


He would crawl into bed every night
and reel off the same checklist.
"Taggy. Snowdog. Sheldon."
All three present and correct ready for sleepy time.

And then suddenly 
and for no reason I can tell,
he has fallen out of love with his little friend.
We're not talking about him gradually going off him
or growing out of him.
But all out rejection.
Refusing to even have him in the bedroom. 
"Take him away Mummy. I don't want my Sheldon."

And I am left with a poor forgotten Sheldon
and a dull ache in my chest.
Is it crazy that my heart actually breaks for a toy?
A toy once so loved
and now so unwanted.

It's not about the toy really I guess.
I guess I kind of see my future staring back at me in that little seahorse's sad smile
(its definitely a sad smile, his heart is clearly broken)
Because in much the same way as Sheldon has been so needed
and suddenly is not,
I know there too will come a time 
when I won't be so needed.
I will be that sad little seahorse
while my babies move on to bigger and better things.

It makes me a fruit loop, doesn't it?
That I can't even consider putting Sheldon away.
That I pick him up in the evenings and wonder where our baby went.
That each night I wonder in vain hope
if tonight my beautiful boy might want his friend back.

It's more than crazy that I'm finding this so hard.
Harder than packing up those newborn baby grows,
harder than taking the cot bars off,
harder than leaving him for his first ever night away.
Heartbreakingly hard!
Why is that?

My baby is growing up so fast
and I'm just not ready. 


24 comments:

  1. Oh poor Mummy! And poor Sheldon. We have the exact same seahorse, but William just never took to him. He's only just started showing affection for two toys in particular - 'Deddy' and 'Peewee' (Teddy and Penguin respectively). Deddy and Peewee come with us everywhere these days, and Peewee is very small and I'm always panicking that we'll lose him. Deddy is a bear that William pointed out in a charity shop window and my mum just had to buy him. We don't know where he's from, so he's a rare kind of bear. I can't ever imagine my little boy not loving these two fluffy friends. But I know one day it will happen - but I also know that he'll never stop loving and needing me. Maybe not as much as he does now, but all babies, big or small, need their mums. Don't forget that my chum. xx

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    1. Oh, I know that really. It's just the symbolic thing as its the first thing that he's ever really 'moved on from'.
      And it's amazing how kids get attached to irreplaceable toys. Sheldon could be replaced in a second if he broke or was lost, but Taggy and Snowdog are both completely unique one-offs. We'll have to take super good care of them now. x

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  2. Awww I can now hear the song in Toy Story "When somebody loved me" *sob*. I can imagine the sadness of a rejected toy. You are not crazy!

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    1. I think Toy Story is more than a little bit to blame for my crazy feelings. I think of the same song. Maybe we'd best stay away from Toy Story movies until I'm feeling better about it. x

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  3. Oh no poor Sheldon. I'll be honest this post frightens me! I will never be ready I think for my wee man moving on...he will always be my wee man *sobs* why do they grow up so fast!?!

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    1. It's just so scary how fast they growi up and move on. x

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  4. Oh, Sheldon! Now I feel sorry for him too!

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  5. Oh Lucy I wish you'd put a disclaimer at the top of this saying we needed tissues. This really made me sad, especially the bottom photo.
    I feel so sorry for toys that aren't used and are outgrown. We had Rattle Cat for Charles, he can't even remember him now but when he was a baby it was guaranteed to make him smile, I even went and bought 4 spares and my mum made a special outfit for one of them so it matched Charles' Christening outfit. x

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    1. I guess it's part of growing up, and I'll have to get a thicker skin about it I think, but it's just made me so sad to see him move on from something which he has loved SO MUCH!!! x

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  6. This actually makes me want to cry. You know I am also a sentimental old fool. Mads had 'friend' the seahorse and he still lives on her bed, but Pongo has been the favourite for a long time. I would be so sad if he was no longer the main man! They are growing up so quickly. :(

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    1. I think I'd feel better if I could convince him to at least keep the poor abandoned seahorse in his bed, but he won't even have that. I feel like such a nutter being upset about a toy, but I do. x

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  7. Oh poor Sheldon! You're right, he does look sad. Tuck him away somewhere special and he'll either be back in favour within a few weeks, or one day you'll have a eighteen year old pulling him out of a box with a cry of recognition!

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    1. I'm trying to convince the little guy that maybe he can sit at the end of the bed. Without much success at the moment it has to be said. But I'm definitely keeping him and will tell my grown up little man all about how he loved that seahorse. x

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  8. Poor Sheldon! I am sad for him and I haven't even met him! Maybe he'll get a part in the new Toy Story film. x x

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    1. Hahaha. I feel like he should be in Toy Story. Poor abandoned toy! x

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  9. Oh no, makes me a little sad too! The thought that he's outgrown him; it will break my heart when Lucas stops having his 5 teddies are in bed and making sure I have them all to bring downstairs every morning. I get a little silly about soft toys though, I still have my childhood favourite on the bedside table xx

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    1. I'm VERY silly about soft toys, I get so attached to them. The little man has my special bear from my childhood overlooking his bed. But I guess this is just the start of toys going out of favour. x

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  10. Ah I know what you mean! Plus I was worried he wouldn't be able to sleep. Sammy has had a ratty old "DogDog" since he was tiny and used to rub it's ears between his fingers but on the way home from Southbourne in the summer he dropped him out of the car window after an emergency toilet stop down a country lane! We have even gone back to look on the next time we went to Southbourne. I thought he would be distraught but no, he just picked something else to go to bed with. And there was me thinking he'd be like Andy in Toy Story taking DogDog to University!!! xx

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    1. I guess it speaks of how content our kids are that they can just move on so easily, but it makes me a little sad. x

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  11. He won't discard you. He might disassociate himself from you in the playground by about Year 5, but he'll be back for cuddles when you get home!

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    1. Ahhh, as long as he still wants the occasional cuddle from time to time, I think I can cope. x

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  12. Oh no, this is so sad!! My friend bought Lissy the most gorgeous teddy when she was flower girl at her wedding, she liked him at first in the day but at night time Lissy all out rejects him and won't have him in her room - she insists I take him to her sisters cot in the other room!

    He is such a sad and cute looking thing I always feel quite upset for him so if it was her 'sheepie' who has been her go-to bedtime buddy since she was a few months old I think I would actually bawl. Funny things those toddlers! L x

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    1. They know how to tug at our heart strings don't they? A sad toy just breaks my heart. x

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I absolutely love reading all your comments, so thanks for taking the time to leave them.

xx