Tuesday, 18 June 2013

nine months


For nine months I grew a baby,
I grew a bump,
I grew a little person inside my tummy
all the way until it was time to meet.
And nine months ago that baby came to join us,
my bump became my beautiful girl
and our lives, our family and our hearts 
were changed forever.

The changes she made to our lives and to our family
were big and obvious.
We went from a three to a four,
she made our beautiful boy a big brother.
She made our home and our hands full.
She ended one era, and she started a new one.

But some of the biggest changes of all
have happened in the nine months that have passed since then.
And some of the biggest changes aren't so visible.
Just like the big changes that happened while she grew inside me,
big changes have continued to happen inside of me ever since.

While the early newborn days were a dreamy haze
as we found our way into our lives as a different family,
some of the weeks and months that followed weren't so easy.
I found her so different from her brother
and I fought to try and make her fit his example early on.
It actually hurts me to say it,
but I just didn't understand her.
She seemed to need me so much
and I didn't know how to deal with that
having raised such an independent little boy.

I felt differently about my two children
and that made me feel guilty,
because I worried that that somehow meant that I loved one more than the other.
I didn't . . . I don't.
But I felt like I should love them in the exact same way.
Nine months has taught me that while I love both my children the same amount,
I love them differently because the relationships I have with them are different.


And oh, 
my relationship with this girl . . .
I underestimated it so much,
the power of it
and how it would change me.

I simply cannot explain enough how much I adore her.

She has refused to conform to any of the expectations I had of raising a daughter
and I love her for that.
I had expected her to be a daddy's girl,
in fact I think I had wanted her to be a daddy's girl.
I liked the idea that my baby girl and my husband might be a little gang.
Partly because that was the way things had been in my own family growing up
and partly because it meant my little gang with my beautiful boy wouldn't have to change.

So imagine my surprise when she decided to be a mummy's girl.
And I had absolutely no idea how incredible it would make me feel,
just by letting her need me and enjoying it.


As she grows she is a fascinating contradiction
of independence and neediness.
She will sit contently and watch the world go by for the longest time,
and then just like that,
she craves cuddles and contact and attention and affection
in ways that her pretty touchy feely brother can't even get close to.

And the way her adoration is so focused on me
makes me feel like a superhero.
She lights up when I make eye contact with her
and she practically beams when I throw a smile her way.
She reaches out her arms towards me,
rolls in closer and grabs a hold of me
in a way that seems to say "Just stay right here with me Mummy."

She will play with my hands and lace her tiny fingers into mine.
She will nuzzle into the gap at my neck under my chin
which feels like it was made especially for her to fit into,
and she breathes deeply;
as if she is breathing in my smell as I breathe in hers.
She watches for me, she listens for me.
She claps at the sight of me and she bounces with excitement.
She will lay with her head in my lap
while I shower her with kisses
and she basks in it.

As I read back the updates I wrote about her brother at the same age
I realise how different they are,
and I wonder how I could ever have been so sure
that I could treat them the same way.
At nine months the beautiful boy seemed so big, so grown up.
But at nine months she still feels so new, so much like my little baby.


Nine months old feels like a big milestone.
The point at which her outside life becomes longer than her inside one.
The time she has spent in my arms outweighs the time that she spent in my tummy.

She is on the cusp of that fascinating stage where they begin to interact with the world.
And she is so completely fascinating.
She is so adorably cute.
She is so utterly enchanting.
And I feel more than a little bit addicted her.

She is my best friend in the making.





All photos in this post are courtesy of Katie Ellison Photography.
Yes, that Katie.
My very talented friend of Mummy Daddy Me fame
has set up her own photography business
and took these quite frankly stunning photos of my beautiful girl.
Check out her website
and her Facebook page for special offers,
and then book her,
because you won't regret it.

28 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank-you. I'm so pleased with Katie's photos. x

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  2. I find the first nine months as fascinating as the nine months of pregnancy. In pregnancy they grow from a mass of cells to a fully formed baby ready to come out into the world. And in their first nine months of life they grow from a baby who literally sleeps and doesn't do much to a fully interactive, mobile little person. Those first few months are such an incredible journey of discovery for both you and baby.
    She is one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever had the pleasure of seeing on a regular basis! And thanks so much for letting me photograph her for my portfolio. And of course for plugging my new little business. x

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    1. So true, the changes and growth they go through from conception til their first birthday is just amazing.
      And thank-YOU for photographing her, I really couldn't love these photos any more. x

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  3. This brought a tear to my eye. I think when the beautiful girl is older and she reads this she is going to absolutely love it. You have a wonderful way with words.
    I expected a lot from Harry, and I still do, because of Charles. I think it was a second child thing but also because of him being a boy too. His development is a lot slower than Charles (in terms of speech) and I have to remember that actually he's doing ok, Charles was just very very ahead for his age.
    Your relationship sounds so perfect, the kind of relationship anyone would hope for with a daughter (or a son).
    And the photos, wow! I love the way the first photo is set up and the photo of her sucking her thumb is so adorable. xx

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    1. It's funny how you have a kid, think you have this parenting thing down, and then the second one turns it all on its head. My two are so different, but so equally amazing.
      And I'm glad you like the photos. Katie and I had a blast styling it all and getting it all set up. X

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  4. This is wonderful! Katie is such an amazing photographer :) It helps that you little fairy is such a sweet little thing x

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    1. She really is. And we had so much fun planning and setting the shoot up. Fortunately our little model was very well behaved while we fussed around with props. x

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  5. Love that phrase my friend in the making

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    1. That's exactly how I feel about her, like I'm training her up to be my best friend. x

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  6. Those photo's are gorgeous! Katie is one talented lady!

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  7. Hooray! Katie Ellison Photography is live!!! Lush xx

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  8. As always really beautiful words. It must be amazing having two very special relationships with your children and admiring and loving the similarities and differences. Sounds like you have an amazing family there :) So much love in your words!

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    1. Aww, thank-you. It is amazing raising two little people who are so similar and yet so completely different. x

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  9. This is so beautifully written Lucy, and like you I have two totally different little beings which I am trying my hardest not to compare to each other even though it is inevitable that I do. x

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    1. It's so tough. I wouldn't say I compared, so much as I just expected her to be the same, which was really silly of me really. Especially considering her differences make her awesome. x

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  10. Oh my gosh Lucy, she is beautiful! I love this post and I have to completely agree, I totally underestimated the power of the mother daughter relationship. It has completely blown me away how strong that bond already is. Beautiful words.

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    1. Aww, thank-you. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who finds the relationship really powerful and surprising. x

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  11. So precious. I love this post so much. She is so adorable. I love that she is a mommys girl!! I was so surprised at the differences in my two little ones also. No matter how different the love the amount is the same!!
    xoxo
    ash

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    1. It took me a little while to realise that I loved them the same amount, just in different ways. I naively expected my relationship to be the same with both of then, which was pretty silly really. And I wouldn't miss out on my mama's girl for anything. x

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  12. Beautiful post, I know we have spoken of her relationship with her Daddy I imagine that will come very soon, I think it is a beautiful relationship you have with BG, it is one I would have craved for with my own little girl. I am excited to do my 1st 9 mths with Sweetpea and have experiences like this hopefully.
    Katie you are an amazing photographer although you did have a beautiful model x

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  13. She is beautiful, such a happy smiley gorgeous baby. I remember the 9 month mark so well simply because Z was now going to be outside my tummy longer than it in. That Katie takes some amazing photos!! :)

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  14. Beautiful post and adorable photos Katie! xx

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  15. We are one in the same!! Seriously! Our babes are 1 day apart! My son is 9 months today, and I have a daughter who is 2. I totally know what you mean about feeling differently about the two at the beginning. I was really worried that I would never develop a bond with my son because I was so so in love with my daughter. But now, I can't imagine my life without Warner. He is my happy place. Cheers for 9 months! It's all going by so quickly! So happy I found your blog!

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  16. Beautiful! That made me so teary and made me want to squish my girl back down ad stop her growing!

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  17. awwwww happy nine months!! love that photo

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I absolutely love reading all your comments, so thanks for taking the time to leave them.

xx