being ready


"We creep a little bit closer to being ready for this little bubba each day. I remember with my previous two, how in the last few weeks I'd wander into the nursery just to ponder what was ahead. I would open drawers full of tiny little clothes all freshly washed and neatly folded. I would arrange and rearrange soft toys. I would stare at those teeny newborn nappies and try to picture the little person who would wear them. And this time is no different (except her bedroom is my bedroom) and I love taking that little bit of time to bond and dream and think about the bomb of love that is about to go off in our lives."

As of this weekend, we are basically ready now. As ready as we'll ever be for a new baby anyway. She has drawers full of little clothes, we have plenty of nappies and baby wipes, we basically have the name picked out (although I'm not sure I'll be 100% on that until she is actually here.) We are ready. We are counting down the days and knowing it could be any time now really. And I don't know if it's just the fact that it feels like an era is about to close, or if it's just hormones, or if it's just part and parcel of the last weeks of pregnancy... but I feel in this weird and confusing kind of place.

I wrote last time around about that question of being ready for the baby to come. It feels funny reading it back this time around, because this time feels so different. I'm definitely more chilled, less anxious, more excited. Last time I was excited to meet our second child but more than a little worried about the affect it would have on our little boy... worries that proved to be needless, but he was our entire world at the time and it was so hard to grasp that we could possibly love another child in the same way. And as such, as much as I was ready to not be pregnant any longer, I didn't really want the end to come, and that special time of just me and my little man to be over. 

Of course this time around I do still have a little bit of that feeling. Our days as a four are nearly numbered, and that's something I'm still not entirely sure I've fully got my head around. But we've already done the sibling thing. Our children can't remember a time when they weren't a sibling. And I know that love doesn't divide, it grows. I will love this baby just as much as my other two; I'll love her differently... because I know that I love my existing children differently... because they are different... and thats okay, because I love them equally.


I would say this has been my most chilled out pregnancy. I think that from an emotional perspective, while I have been far more tearful and generally a bit crazy at times with this baby, I haven't had anywhere near the worries and mummy anxieties of the previous ones. First time around you are so full of excitement, but also more than a little terrified because you really are entering into an unknown. Second time around you know how amazing the prize at the end is, but its also still pretty scary because you have an existing child to worry about and the idea of juggling two children and spreading out your love seems impossible. 

Third time around I feel a lot more confident. I know that we know how to care for a newborn. I know that the love grows when you add to your family and you don't love anybody less because there is a new person to love too. I know that any boat rocking that happens is completely outweighed by the awesomeness of the sibling your children get. I know that sleepless nights and breastfeeding troubles and nappy rash and teething don't last forever. I know that my children are already used to sharing me. I know that we'll juggle all the things we have to in life; because thats what you do. Honestly, having three children doesn't scare me... maybe it should?!?!?

My overwhelming feeling is just excitement. I want to get started on life as a five now, and meet this little wriggle pants that I feel like I already know. I want to see what she looks like; whether she'll look like any of us, or all of us, or totally different entirely. I want to find out what her temperament is like; whether she is going to be calm or crazy, smiley or serious, needy or chilled out. I want to share her with the rest of my family now. I want to see my Mr snuggling his newest daughter in that way that only daddy's can; where they somehow both seem to fragile. I want to see my beautiful boy with the baby sister he has been counting down the days for. I want to see my beautiful girl become a big sister and the mini-mummy I know she'll want to be. I desperately want those first moments together as five. And we don't really have too much longer to wait now...!


15 comments

  1. 'I love them differently but equally' is so true. It took me a long time to feel ok about that - with one of each just like you - but you've taken the words right out of my mouth.

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  2. Lovely post. I can imagine it feels very different going from 1 to 2 and then 2 to 3. I am so broody reading this! Such an exciting time for your family xx

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  3. Oh Lucy gorgeous post so heart felt and exciting and love pouring into it. I am SOOOO very excited for you I truly am. It's going to be so amazing for you. I can't wait to meet her. You have made a beautiful space for her too. Makes me soooo broody!

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  4. Lovely post! I am so broody and I love the photos. Loving the colours xxx

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  5. I am so excited to hear when this new beautiful baby arrives! I bet I'm on holiday LOL! Her little bits and bobs are so gorgeous. All the best when it comes xx

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  6. Ahh this brought a tear to my eye. I'm so excited for you. :) Not long now! xx

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  7. I am so excited for you. Love this post, so true. Can't wait to see your new addition x

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  8. It's a funny thing going from four to five. Very busy but babies do slot in. Lovely post I remember all that and it sure does make me broody. I loved being pregnant, I loved going to the hospital and coming out with a new baby. The rest is all a fuzz. Enjoy the last few weeks/ days.

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  9. So exciting! Can't wait to hear your news! xx

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  10. I am so excited for you! Can't wait to hear your announcement x

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  11. What a lovely post. And a gorgeous room/spot for the new arrival. Sounds like you're all prepared for whatever number 5 in the family can throw at you.

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  12. So exciting and after seeing Flump's little corner I can vouch that it is as gorgeous in the flesh. It sounds like you are mentally prepared and ready for the new addition to the family. x

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  13. Loved reading this. I felt the first timer anxiousness with YM, then it was a different emotional roller coaster with Halle as we were going through the hardest time of our life's, yet with P it was so chilled. And even though my two labours were good, his was just so relaxed even more so and I think this just reflected that whole journey. Can't wait to see your bundle of joy arriving, being a family of five is so much fun x x

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  14. Beautifully written Lucy, so heartfelt and full of love. Can't wait to meet Flump! xxx

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  15. OOo, all those beautiful things are making me broody for number 2!

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