our gang

Ever since he was born
my beautiful boy and I have had a little gang.
It felt like him and me against the world for a long time.
We let Daddy join our gang sometimes 
when we was home in the evenings and at weekends,
but we spent most of our time together as a pair,
I did everything for him
and he was my entire world.

When the beautiful girl was born
I did worry so much about losing our gang,
and it was tricky at times in the early days;
negotiating the needs of my little best buddy boy
and a crying clingy baby.
But ultimately we didn't lose our gang
we still have a really close bond, he and I.

And our gang also gained a member,
the beautiful boy, the beautiful girl and I,
we have it all worked out.
Of course we do still let Daddy in at weekends and in the evenings
but our little gang of three is amazing.
We share little looks, little moments, lots of laughs.

I get the pleasure of passing my days with my two favourite people,
seeing every new achievement and milestone.
I could never take for granted the gift I have
in getting to be at home to raise my children,
but I think I do sometimes take for granted how much I know them as a result.
Each new word, new party trick and new skill,
I've been there to see them all.
I know those babies of mine,
I can put my hand on my heart and say I know them better than any other person does.
Everything there is to know about them,
I know it.
Of course there are things about both my children that I am yet to know,
so much about their personalities is still developing,
but getting a front row seat for that
is by far the greatest privilege of being a mother.

But that little gang of three,
that front row seat,
that infinite and sole knowledge,
is on borrowed time.
Because in less that three months time
I will hand my beautiful boy over to someone else 
for five preschool sessions a week.
Someone else will get the front seat,
someone else will get to know him in ways that I never will.
In a weird way I'm jealous of his preschool teachers already,
of the skills they'll get to see him develop,
of the time they'll be getting with him which I won't.

It feels like we are on borrowed time now,
because I know that the dynamics will change a lot when he starts at preschool.
I'm looking forward to the one-on-one time that I'll get with my little lady;
the focused time that her big bro had in a abundance
but which she's never really been able to have.
I'm looking forward to the fun and challenges that my little man will get,
the sort of stimulation that I can't easily give at home,
and those vital opportunities to steer his own course.
But mostly, as I look forward,
I think about how much I'll miss him,
how much our gang of three will miss him,
as it goes back to a gang of two again
but a different two from the original line up.

Such is life I guess,
such is childhood and parenthood,
always moving on,
ever changing,
constantly growing.

But this summer we will be grabbing hold of memories with both hands
and collecting them up to keep forever.
As one era ends and another one begins,
I want to treasure every moment of our gang of three.


  1. Simply beautiful. I can empathise with every single word. Handing them over for other people to enjoy is heartbreaking, but your little man will flourish and make some brilliant friends. Enjoy your time with you little lady, I am in exactly the same boat. Thank you for such beautiful words. Xx

    1. That's exactly it, it feels like someone else gets to enjoy him and I don't and that makes me feel so jealous!!! Haha. I know he'll love it though, and some girly time with the littlest is going to be lovely. x

  2. Love these photos, especially the top one. I actually feel quite sad that having Tiger did affect mine and Cherry's relationship, things weren't the same afterwards and looking back I feel like I should have made more effort to put Tiger down and focus on her but I guess there is no point looking back in regret. I'm just relieved I'm finally starting to see signs of them having a good relationship. Cherry has been doing two mornings a week since Sept but will start doing two longer days thus Sept, it feels really scary that next year it will be school starting time. Time is going way too fast x

    1. It does definitely changing things, fortunately it was only for a really short time for us, but I can remember really feeling sad about it when the little lady was tiny and having a hysterical crying fit about how much I missed my little man. But we definitely got that bond back really quickly, and it's so weird to think I won't get to spend all my days with him anymore. x

  3. What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful boy...It's hard to know they are starting school, in someone's hands and out of our sight for some many hours of the week each week. They really do grow up so fast. buba will start next september and I am not ready for it. I can't imagine what you are feeling even closer to it. It's hard to change the gang dynamics. You will be back to a gang of one. I often wonder what it's going to feel like with just MM at home when Buba starts school. Love the photos. I look forward to seeing all your adventurous fun filled summer time memories leading up to September. Enjoy it all!!!

    1. I dread to think what I'll be like when it's proper school next September and he's gone all day in the week, half days feels like forever to me right now. x

  4. Oh this is so lovely and you look so very happy as a gang of three. I suspect that for all the time he spends at pre-school you'll still be the person that knows him best in all the world. It'll feel a bit strange at first, but it is so much fun listening to them tell you all about their day and all the things they got up to from their perspective when you don't know exactly what they did, and I know I really treasured the one on one time I had with Elma before she started nursery - you're going to love having just the beautiful girl for some special one on one time :)

    1. Thanks lovely, it just kind of feels like the beginning of a whole series of moments where I have to let him go a bit more, and while I know he's ready, I'm not necessarily sure that I am yet. But I really can't wait for that girly time with my little miss, she's going to flourish with all my attention I know, while her brother flourishes with all that preschool learning and encouragement. x

  5. Aw was this post spurred on by our hormonal chats yesterday?! As you know I feel the same as you, obviously Mads has been in nursery two mornings a week for a while and has flourished, but I will be so sad when the time comes for her to go to school. I am dreading it! But I know every parent has to go through it- I am not ready for her little girl stage to be finished. x

    1. Haha, no this has been sat in draft for a little while waiting for some appropriate photos, but it is very much on my mind at the mo, hence the hormonal chats. It's so tough watching them grow sometimes, as much as it's a pleasure, it all seems to happen so fast. x

  6. This is beautiful Lucy and I know exactly how you feel because this was me at this exact time last year. I felt guilty that I was sending Charles away for 15 hours a week, mostly because it wasn't compulsory. I felt odd that I was sending him off somewhere to be with women he didn't know and who I didn't know. It wasn't a nice feeling.
    But, he loved it and settled down really soon and I got to know the ladies there and even went to help out a few times which made it so so much better.
    Harry starts there this September and I have very little worries because of how Charles got on.
    Big hugs and enjoy your Summer together xx

    1. Oh thank-you Lauren. I think that is such a big part of it for me; it isn't compulsory and I don't need to send him because I'm at home. It makes me feel so weird and anxious and guilty. But I know he's more than ready for it and that he needs it to prepare for school, but he's my little baby and I'm going to miss seeing every last achievement.
      I hope I'll get a chance to go in and help occasionally and be a part of his little world... but then if I was them I probably wouldn't want an early years teacher sniffing around the preschool!!!! ;) x

  7. I feel exactly like this. LP starts preschool in September and I am counting down the days, not wanting to waste them and to savour them before she's off to that new place. I'm also looking forward to having time with Little Man as I haven't had time with just him because LP has always been there but I will know that I will look forward to picking LP up after preschool so we can be a three again x

    1. Oh my goodness, I'm already looking forward to those lunchtime reunions each day. We'll all be fine, I'm sure. Just seems like the first big growing up change and it's a bit scary. x

  8. This is such a lovely post. It will be so good to have one-on-one time with BG, I know that from when Z started nursery, but it is hard to see them going off on their own to start their own little adventure and making friends. I'll be enjoying the Summer as much as possible with my 2 because, from August, both of mine will be in school. I won't know what to do with myself! x

    1. I know I'll be lost when both mine are in school, and it'll be here before I know it. But I'm so looking forward to some girly time, and I know the little man will adore preschool. x

  9. I am feeling exactly like this at the moment. September will see Dylan doing 15 hours at preschool and as much as I am looking forward to some precious time with my littlest man, I will miss him so much, and I know it will take some getting used to!

    1. It's going to be so weird isn't it? Especially when they've always been at home with you. x

  10. Aww, beautifully put. I feel the same about my little ones. <3

    1. Thank-you. It's such a roller coaster being a parent. x

  11. Oh I feel SO much the same way... My eldest has always just been home with me... We are a little gang of three too, and in September she starts nursery school... Five mornings a weeks and while she's so excited, I am just not ready for it! I know she will thrive and grow... And I know my time at home with Heidi will be wonderful, but I feel sad abut seeing her less, and I feel sad about the girls seeing each other less...
    Gah! I'm just a mess of torn emotions!
    Anyway, it was so lovely to meet you at the weekend, and I'll make sure I have more tissues at the ready in September when we're both blubbering messes!
    Claire x

    1. That's exactly how I feel. My two are so close, and I worry they won't be so much once he's at preschool. And I'm just going to plain miss him!!!! We can be brave together. x

  12. Was nodding along with all of this, I'm so torn with Lucas because I know he will have the time of his life and he is so ready for it but at the same time I don't want to let go. It's like you say it's sad to be missing out on such a big part of their lives, someone else will get to see these new stages! It does feel a bit like the end of an era but you will have such fun with BG I'm sure and I think a lot of us will be making the most of this summer xx


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