Ever since he was born
my beautiful boy and I have had a little gang.
It felt like him and me against the world for a long time.
We let Daddy join our gang sometimes
when we was home in the evenings and at weekends,
but we spent most of our time together as a pair,
I did everything for him
and he was my entire world.
When the beautiful girl was born
I did worry so much about losing our gang,
and it was tricky at times in the early days;
negotiating the needs of my little best buddy boy
and a crying clingy baby.
But ultimately we didn't lose our gang
we still have a really close bond, he and I.
And our gang also gained a member,
the beautiful boy, the beautiful girl and I,
we have it all worked out.
Of course we do still let Daddy in at weekends and in the evenings
but our little gang of three is amazing.
We share little looks, little moments, lots of laughs.
I get the pleasure of passing my days with my two favourite people,
seeing every new achievement and milestone.
I could never take for granted the gift I have
in getting to be at home to raise my children,
but I think I do sometimes take for granted how much I know them as a result.
Each new word, new party trick and new skill,
I've been there to see them all.
I know those babies of mine,
I can put my hand on my heart and say I know them better than any other person does.
Everything there is to know about them,
I know it.
Of course there are things about both my children that I am yet to know,
so much about their personalities is still developing,
but getting a front row seat for that
is by far the greatest privilege of being a mother.
But that little gang of three,
that front row seat,
that infinite and sole knowledge,
is on borrowed time.
Because in less that three months time
I will hand my beautiful boy over to someone else
for five preschool sessions a week.
Someone else will get the front seat,
someone else will get to know him in ways that I never will.
In a weird way I'm jealous of his preschool teachers already,
of the skills they'll get to see him develop,
of the time they'll be getting with him which I won't.
It feels like we are on borrowed time now,
because I know that the dynamics will change a lot when he starts at preschool.
I'm looking forward to the one-on-one time that I'll get with my little lady;
the focused time that her big bro had in a abundance
but which she's never really been able to have.
I'm looking forward to the fun and challenges that my little man will get,
the sort of stimulation that I can't easily give at home,
and those vital opportunities to steer his own course.
But mostly, as I look forward,
I think about how much I'll miss him,
how much our gang of three will miss him,
as it goes back to a gang of two again
but a different two from the original line up.
Such is life I guess,
such is childhood and parenthood,
always moving on,
But this summer we will be grabbing hold of memories with both hands
and collecting them up to keep forever.
As one era ends and another one begins,